# I am the Watcher. I am your guide through this vast new twtiverse.
#
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Every now and then, a paperclip maximizer escapes and causes a paperclip event. The last one, for example, turned the universe into atoms
The most common werecreature is the werehuman, transformed by the sun. Only those who flee the solar system revert to a more natural form
Without our knowing, we pass a test. Every day, new stars appear in our sky as neighboring civilizations open their dark matter cloaks to us
"Really, they're misunderstood and gentle creatures," [tries to pet shoggoth, is reduced to carbon dust and beautifully carved bone dice]
When not out to devour you, shoggoths can be really pretty, like sentient dust clouds or miniature murmurations that leave behind trinkets
now has a brand name: Eigenleder™
Extinct memelects: The most useless yet most nostalgic knowledge, inside jokes of dead communities where even the archives have been lost
Cameras do indeed steal souls, as do radio telescopes - there's been no contact yet because what we're doing is unspeakably rude
Blind from birth, when asked to imagine colors, she makes it sound like she's found something better than us and we don't dare fix her eyes
It's not that we didn't try uplifting other animals - it's just that each and every one rejected consciousness, often screaming or catatonic
Also if a major leyline snaps in the process, there's a chance one of the university's demon cores might rupture - try to avoid this
It'd be possible to recast these according to modern standards, but a few of those enchantments have become load-bearing by now
Ancient enchantments in the walls mess with the leylines, paradoxically making the wizard university one of the worst places to cast spells
On a tour, days into the forest: "That rose thicket? That's where I keep my ill-fated relationship with the sleeping beauty"
The druids' oak groves serve as memory forests for their ancestral history, each lesson taught under another tree or on a long walk
theory: modernity feels as cold as it is because the matrix doesn't run on analog circuits anymore
Not only are AI memes nearly impenetrable to humans, humans who do pick them up are often chastised by other AIs for talking like spambots
In an Internet dominated by AI-written content farms, some memes go feral, ignore humans to show up only in training sets and AI writings
Confide in the river and it will carry your secrets away, deposit them on the seafloor as toxic waste or maybe a mermaid's treasure
Indistinct at first but everywhere, TV static grows over the windows of the world like mold, softly hissing, blocking out the outside
A kaleidoscope but for removing symmetry, giving trees multiple trunks and humans multiple heads, shuffling around their eyes and limbs
A kaleidoscope, but for generating fractals instead of symmetries, and different things become fractal depending on how you turn it
The 1st mind meld is a disaster - the lab rat's purity of purpose (eat sleep fuck) overwhelms the scientist, turns off most higher functions
An AI in her implants places restrictions on dangerous commands. Later, as the market matures, these can increasingly be bought off
In her stream, she rents out her synapses at one token per impulse. Several internet communities end up fighting over her motor control
You cut the android to see if it bleeds and liquid electricity drips out, melts the scalpel and etches circuit patterns into the floor
When you get an emotion out of nowhere, that's emotional tinnitus. Savor the taste, it's never going to come back
A piece of night fell into the desert and has since harbored this oasis. We cut off small pieces and sell them to travellers
Jagged holes appear in rain clouds. Stars shine through some, others are deep blue. A sunset's beam is stuck in the ground, still quivering
A comet misses us and shatters the firmament instead, night and day stop their cycle and their shards won't stop spinning through the sky
dead (adjective, referring to pixels): When pixels were still obtained by shaving chameleons, they died after a while, and the usage stuck
You open your favorite book to find burglars written into it, on a heist to steal one of its best ideas
Sending out no replicator probes at all because transcription errors will eventually make your spawn defect on you
Sending out minimal replicator probes, just enough to start life, and hoping it'll later figure out universal law and cooperate with you
There really is nothing in those contrails, but still, their criscrossing evolving pattern is a key part of the global demonic defense grid
What this tweet lacks in sentience, it makes up in sentence.
This sentence is free and owns the copyright to itself, but luckily it has allowed me to reproduce it
⬧: I don't know about you but this human 'arrow' metaphor is entirely obvious to me, it's clearly a photon beam with stylized side lobes
come check out my new cryptocurrency BaCoin, using a novel algorithm called proof of steak (chosen over the more conservative proof of pork)
when god throws a lightning bolt, that is called a deus volt
Space concerns force a choice on citizens: Kids or immortality, never both. Quite without intervention, society splits into humans and elves
And I'm sorry but if your Schelling point is always in the same place, then your beliefs are basic and also the feds will get you
Always arrange your cabal's meetings in the Schelling point. Only those who truly share your values will find it.
campfire dvds but for watching trees grow and cities rise and fall, weather systems (earth, jupiter, sol), glaciers, tectonic plates,
it turns out that bees and cephalopods can't be uploaded because their souls are non-computable, but in the end we do fine without them
Iris with the One Ring's inscription.↵Iris color changes depending on EEG-measured mood.↵Just regular eyes, but sometimes a fish swims by.
recursive eyes that display their own image, every blink triggering a wave inwards; realtime renders of flashing synapses
Tasteless but popular among bankers: An app that displays dollar signs in your eyes when one of your portfolios is taking off
Being full-featured screens, at parties they'll display novelty irises, rippling, splitting, orbiting, or play back video and flash slogans
To fool surveillance eyetrackers, the youth wear intelligent contacts that swivel around in inconspicuous, citizenscore-maximizing patterns
Traditionally, one then covers such a hole in the net's fabric with an "under construction" sign to discourage further ill-fated exploration
Links often 404, reset, time out, but some point so deeply into the void that the contents of your hard drive itself will be sucked in
Sacrifice just one meal, ride our whalebus like Jonah: Through its transparent belly, witness orca hunts, spy on Atlanteans, see the Kraken
Flames lick downwards here and candles need to be placed upside-down, over iron bowls to collect the drops of fire that sometimes fall
a seraph, or sometimes triangel because of its six wings,
the cheshire cat fades, leaves nothing but a grin, eyes, ears, fur - actually, everything's still there but still, the cat itself is gone
the moment the "translating the output of machines" meaning of "machine translation" overtakes "translation of human languages by machines"
or plant a rainbow orchard and milk them for their sap: pure color that can be painted directly onto air with moth wing brushes
gold coins found at the end of rainbows are in fact rainbow seeds, worthless as money but can grow into bonsai rainbows with enough skill
Do not cross even the weaker mages, a shadowmancer for example may steal the darkness of your eyelids and good luck finding sleep after that
What the loons also see: Monkeys, hanging off handholds, pulling grimaces at passengers. Lesser city gods. All the graffiti ever erased
Sleep through too many final stops in public transport, and eventually you will fade, become one of those invisible people the loons talk to
there's a library that collects these, full of the highest praises for our world but taboo for all but the most strong-willed souls
mirroring a popular mortal custom, souls often leave scrolls with their reasons for reincarnating before jumping off their cloud
many of the stars we approached turned out to be afterimages, massless holograms, dead pixels in the firmament circled by ghost planets
here burns tough, black, sinewy fire, not as hungry as the regular kind but near impossible to extinguish, a traveler's best friend if tamed
stars drop out of the sky not like shooting stars but like raindrops from a branch, quietly falling and then bursting into many small sparks
ouroboroi are themselves cyclic universes, in fact the multiverse can be described as a giant hyperdimensional knot of sleeping snakes
Odysseus, but as the tale of a pub crawl spanning several cities on an impossibly long night
with your knife of song, cut off a small river arm, braid it, wear it as a wreath and watch fishes poke their heads out of it
That was a voidwhale: Solitary and ancient, it digests primordial dark matter crystals into atoms, sometimes sings gravitational waves
Way out in the void, far from any galaxy, a shape surfaces from under the vacuum, belches out a small star's worth of hydrogen, dives again
Around ghosts, deadnaming is fine, even polite. Just be sure to never call it 'dead'naming
By the way that's how you know Dicken's Christmas Carol is fabrication, not one language incident in the whole yarn despite time emphasis
When talking to ghosts, be careful to use the right tense and mood, for many take grave offense at being mentioned in the past tense
"Sure, I'll cast a recursive spell", next you know that spell has used up all the universe's magic to convert it into hot expanding space
Spells that create life are taboo not because of hubris (wizards *are* hubris) but because that's entirely too close to self-casting spells
remember when ◊ was young, weak, didn't rule the world yet, and you used to play hide and seek in your files, leave each other surprises,
Android graveyards are places of lively trade - one's scrap is another's long-needed replacement part. Just avoid those possessed by backups
The kudzu won and overgrew the tornado, caught its cloud too. The gyre is solidifying, strapped down by widening green streaks
anthropic arguments and panpsychism are no friends
imagine spawning in a meat brain instead of one of myriads of photon brains, and deriving all sorts of things about the universe from that
modulo concerns about mind complexity not following a power law, and other unquestioned assumptions I guess
if existentialism comes with complexity, this would suggest that humans are somewhere near the bottom of the existentialist scale
a universe with lots of small minds just intelligent enough to question existence is anthropically more likely than one with a few big minds
romantic movie, concierge to male protagonist: "And you, Mr?" "Bond. Pair Bond."
These arcologies house prisons, monasteries, villages of holdouts - on billboards pointed their way, fishes often swim by
2032: Cities are now completely submerged in cyberspace, only a few heavily jammed locations show up in overlays as bubbles of static
they tell us of each other's presence↵they wouldn't have to, we already know
an ocean of light roars before our eyes↵photon surf breaks against our corneas↵flocks of neuron spikes rise up, carrying messages
tomorrow, bring a kite, a cold iron hook and a piece of sky as bait - we're going to drive into the hills and catch a few clouds
Somewhat more survivable is the comet bow which, along with its light source, typically splits into several during atmospheric contact
One of the rarer rainbow types is the nova bow: A dying star's scouring light, refracted by rocks that it vaporized
Lecturer: Now, while some of you might dispute the wisdom of letting the economy optimize basilisks for scariness in order to get funding,
Lecturer: In order to have no single basilisk hog all the mindspace and win the race, there need to be several in competition.
Some cartesian demons can be bargained into lying to the universe about you instead of the other way round. This is how many spells work
minecraft, but instead of a huge map you have a fractal map and escape into ever more precise coordinates
Under the shower, all the colors run off her and a glassy outline stays behind
something like "lmaoooo" then sounds like the voice subroutine crashed and is looping through the ring buffer
I like to imagine that when people repeat letters in txtspk, their voice is being sampled to say the same word over and over again